A wedding is just like a funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers.

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
- Rita Rudner

Do not marry a man to reform him. That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
- Oscar Wilde

Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is: is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner

When two people decide to get a divorce, it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another, but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
- Samuel Johnson [also attributed to Oscar Wilde]

The four most important words in any marriage..."I'll do the dishes."
- Anonymous

A wedding is just like a funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers.
- Grace Hansen

Marriage is a fine institution - but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West

Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck.
If you live through it, you start looking very carefully to the right and to the left.
- Jean Kerr